“Holy crap!”, My friend cut the call and shouted in aggravation, “These consultancy guys &%$#%$#%$% beep… %$#%&%#%$#&.”

My friend was necked out of a small-minded company because he is jinx! Don’t ask me what wrong he made, let me tell you, not boasting, he is a good worker!  He does not mind even to take others’ work that makes him to sit in nights!  Anyhow, he lost his job!  He is enjoying his moments in honeymoon with TV and remote in his sloppy, dirty, stinking room!  He needs not to prepare for interviews!  He is well versed with the technologies!  (May be, he think so! But not others!  That is not your problem!)

Told you already, he is a jinx, no calls for interviews!  If he had a call, that must be a contract position, which he was not looking for at that time!  After getting brainwashing from his friends he started accepting calls for contractual positions too!

One day he got a call from a consultancy company.  He answered the call with “Hello.” The conversation went on like that!

“I am <BACKSPACE> from <INSERT> consultancy.  Is it good time to talk to you Mr. <DEL>?”

The consultancy company name sounded like an African Country’s Space Agency.  He did not like the name itself!  But he had to continue.

“Yes.  But <DEL> is my Last name.  My First name is <CTRL><ALT>.  I am <CTRL><ALT> <DEL>”

“Okay… I am sorry Mr. <CTRL> <ALT> Are you looking for a job change?”

“Yes. I am”

“We have one contractual position with one of our clients – asking for expertise in technologies – <F1>, <F2>, <F3> and <F4>.  Are you interested?”

“Good, I do have expertise in these technologies.  But without knowing the client name… Hmmm… can you tell me for which client this position is?”

“Sorry sir! We cannot disclose our clients’ names.  That is against our policies.”

“I am not asking your clients’ clients.  I am asking for which company I am going to work from your payroll.  Then I can tell really I am not interested or not!”

“Sorry sir! We can’t uncover those details!  That is classified!”

Many Hollywood movie dialogues revolved around his head on hearing the word – Classifed.

“Ok. That’s fine!  You go on!”

“How many years of experience do you have in these technologies sir?”

“<$> years <#> months.”

“On all these <F1><F2><F3> and <F4>?”

“Yes.”

“Really on all these.”

“Yes <BACKSPACE>”

“Great sir!  We are looking for a guy like you only! You perfectly suit for this position, before I process your profile; I need some details from you.  Can you tell me?”

“Yeah! Sure!”

“What is your name?”

Crank. He got bumped.  He got bumped.

“I am <ALT><CTRL>”

“Sir!  But you told you are <DEL>”

“That’s my last name”

“No sir! I want your first name!”

“$#%@$%$%… I am <ALT><CTRL>”

“Oh!  Am I not talking to <CTRL><ALT>?”

“Yes! You are talking to <CTRL><ALT>.  When you know my name, and once I cleared my name to you, why did you ask me that again?”

“Sorry Mr. <DEL>”

“It is not Mr. <DEL>. Mr. <CTRL><ALT>”

“Yeah… Yeah.. I am sorry!  Are you married?”

Second bump! Cling!

“Yes!!!! What?  Why do you need that info?”

“Do not bother sir! So… what is your percentage in your Post Graduation?”

“Huh!  Even my father doesn’t know that I completed my Post Graduation. Did I mention anywhere that I completed my Post Graduation? ”

“Sir!  I am sorry… what is your highest qualification?”

“<WIN><TAB>”

“Ok.  From which university?”

“<SLEEP BUTTON>”

“Really?”

“Yes! Yes! Really.”

“From which place?”

“<HIBERNATE>”

“Great sir!  I am also from <HIBERNATE>! May I know your primary e-mail address?”

“<CTRL><ALT>.<DEL>@<HOME>.com”

“Did you ever attend interview with <SHIFT> or <ESC> companies in last 3 months?  If you attended please tell us sir!  These are our clients!”

“You told – your clients’ details were classified.  But now you are telling.”

“Oh! Sorry sir, you please forget these names!  I just told!  It wont do much even if you attend these interviews if you can tell me other e-mail addresses.”

“They are not my primary e-Mail addresses.”

“Not a problem sir!”

“<CTRL><ALT>.<DEL>@<END>.com”

“What is your current CTC? I mean salary.”

“I understand.  <^> lacs <*> thousands”

“Okay… Do you expect some salary from our consultancy?”

“What?  What?  Ofcourse yes!  There is a requirement in your company, right?”

“I am sorry sir! I don’t mean that! How much salary you are expecting?”

“<*> lacs <)> thousands”

“Why that much sir?  Why do you need that much salary?  You are not married also.  You are single!”

“Are you crazy?  Are you really looking for a guy who knows <F1>, <F2> etc. etc?  Or a unmarried guy who doesn’t want salary?”

“Yes sir!  I mean no sir! But, you are not working since 3 days.  So why you are demanding that much salary?”

“If I am not working since 3 days…? What the big difference that makes?”

“No sir!  You are losing your experience na?  So why should we offer that much salary?”

“What if I am in a company and have been there on bench for more than 3 months?”

“That is different sir!”

“We discuss the salary matter later once I finish technical rounds. First can you schedule my interview?”

“That will be done any way sir!  But why do you need that much salary when you are not working?”

“Okay… I join your company for the salary what you have offered.  But I don’t do as much as work what I did in my previous company, I do less work. Is that okay?”

“My <SHIFT> client wont accept this sir!  I am sorry… I repeated my client’s name. Please forget it sir!”

“Aaaahhhhh………… I am going to cut the call!  Bingo!”

“Holy crap!”, My friend cut the call and shouted in aggravation, “These consultancy guys &%$#%$#%$% beep… %$#%&%#%$#&.”