I had already told in one of my posts that I never understood a human-being’s mentality and God! Yes – God!

Pointing at a big photo frame, my dad once told (not once, everytime), “He is…”, one great ‘personality’ whom we unanimously treat as the very-cause and result for everything, “…Bheemalingeshwara”. No matter how much interest I have in logic, reason and physical science, I could not deny that he is ‘everything’. On understanding some books and lectures I came to know Lord Shiva’s tattvam as a mere science, call it – Khagolam, jyothishyam or life-survival whatever.

He is fused into Nature. Nature always appear as ‘Sa-amba-siva’ to me! My dad’s injection of Lord Shiva’s tattvam turned me into his Bhakta. On every visit to my native, I first visit my Lord’s temple – the feeling I get on seeing at the lingam is unexplainable. I feel assured! I stare at that lingam affectionately thinking who can else give THIS MUCH THIS MUCH THIS MUCH assurance being ‘in the position of God!’ Just as a practice only I visit Ganapathi mandir in that temple premises being hurry to see my great-father, Lord Shiva. I preferred ‘Hara hara hara mahadeva, shambho shankara’ to ‘Aum bhoorbhuvah suvaha’. I preferred “Naagendra haaraaya thrilochanaaya!” to “Saraswathee Namasthubhyam!” I never looked at him as an entity to be feared.

I deared him. I befriended him. I loved him. But he never deared me, never befriended me, never loved me! I am being totally ignored by him!

He never answered my prayers! He never fulfilled my ‘high-priority’ wishes! He never responded when I cried for help! Did he forget me thinking that I would love him forever as usual? Or, being I am one in million of his sons, am I being ignored? I could not digest the truth that he ignored me! When I prayed him that much why should he ignore me?

I swear, for more than 2 months I did not pray anyone who is being called as God, call him – Shiva, Rama, Jesus or Allah (Sorry for differentiate them!  They all same)! Then my love towards my very interests, logic and reason started developing/ growing/ strengthening. I gave much time to think about the happenings! I am not so intelligent to draw conclusions of illusions called God! But I could formulate something! The thought process took me into my childhood, I got the greatest parents, greatest sisters, won considerable number of prizes, won great accolades, studied very well, earning very well, had been to Paris on work, being treated by my friends better, I am having good life! Then what the hell I am missing in life?

That night I though much and much, more and more… Am I doing mistake? Is my great-father ignoring me or am I ignoring him? Don’t I have gratitude for all the good happenings? I just slipped into deep sleep. 

I ran to Shiva temple. I did not clean my feet, I did not even visited Ganesha Mandir, I just wanted to stare at my great-father! :’( I just wanted to be what I was! I was shouting “Hara Hara Mahadeva shambho shankara.” There were so many crowds! I was still yelling, “Hara hara mahadeva”, no one is making way for me to see my great-father, :’( Aalaya archaka was lighting haarathi, still I could not see my father, Archaka started, “namo bhavāya cha rudrāya cha namaḥ śarvāya cha paśupataye cha”, crowd started ringing the heavenly bells, I was wandering there to see my Lord, At last, Yes… I saw my Lord. The Mahalingam looking more-than-divine this time, I kept on shouting more “Hara hara mahadeva”, my tears were taking away my mistakes, I am what I was, I am dearing him, I am befriending him, I am talking to him, I am loving him. My great-father is always what he is… now, he is dearing me ‘again’, befriending me ‘again’, talking to me and loving me too ‘again and again’!

Sudden wake-up.  I am literally crying!  With in minutes I ran to see my great-father.

Every happening carries its own meaning! If my great-father did not fulfill my wishes he might be looking for some more great things for me! If my great-father did not fulfill my wish, might be I was not ‘eligible’ for it! My God is not a fool to give valuable things when I am not eligible. First of all I should ask myself, “Am I really eligible for my wish. Am I ready to take it? Am I worth being the owner of that wish?”

After this thought process I formulated one life-style-rule for myself, if I achieve something I will give the total credit to God and will thank him!, if I lose something, I Think about it, if it is my mistake I will take the burden of scolding myself unconditionally admitting my mistake.

All of our wishes are one(s) among millions and millions of seeds! But every seed needs Air, water and earth to come be-living into this world! It just takes time! It just takes God’s wish/order! God never ignores his sons! He is always there with us every second, every moment to take care of us! He always loves us, it is us who toggles love and hate on him! It is upto us to feel his presence! Let us be ‘eligible’ before we wish!

We all may love Paramapurusha, we all may love Jehovah, we all may love Allah! Hara hara mahadeva! Aum namahsivaaya!